Why This Blog

I have been married to a man with Asperger’s Syndrome for twenty years. We found out only a year ago that AS was the explanation for many of his characteristics and many of the misunderstandings in our relationship. Having the “diagnosis” has changed everything, from how I view our relationship to management strategies in our household to new problems and exciting new discoveries.

I realized soon after the diagnosis that many NeuroTypical (NT) partners married to Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) partners face similar challenges. Being a writery type of person, I have found that writing about these challenges has been helpful to me. Also, my own spirituality is very much a part of HOW I look at day-to-day life and how I personally process the challenges I face.

I am hoping that my reflections on various aspects of an NT-AS marriage might be helpful to other couples. I am also hoping that by sharing my spiritual reflections I might bring to this particular type of relationship a divine view that allows for wonder and guidance from outside our own limited means.


  1. KQ said,

    Hi Maureen: just was reading thru this on a “break” at work — thank you for sharing! I am pleased and humbled to have an insight into your adult life — so many interesting stories from these past 20+ years. I also appreciate you blogging as a way to tie things up/take them apart… I only do this to myself through journaling, as I have since 1983, but now it’s typing rather than the pen to paper…..I can also appreciate the spiritual aspect you’ve articulated, since struggle of any sort really benefits from an injection of that, from whatever perspective; buddhism is more my speed, as it turns out. I don’t know if I’ll see you this summer for the celebration of 25 yrs. from LSHS but I would like to make time to connect if I can make it up there. In the mean time, be well, and I will check back from time to time – really appreciating at the moment that FB has drawn us together again!

  2. Maureen said,

    Hey Kathleen! Thanks for leaving a comment. It’s fun to know who’s been here.
    I have been a journaler for years myself. I decided to “go public” on this stuff because I know how relieved I was to find writing by other wives of Aspergians. I am hoping others NT spouses will find my musings helpful.
    Stay tuned for more! I incorporate more than a little Buddhism into my own spiritual life. I am kind of Buddhist/Taoist/Catholic Leftist. In one of my upcoming posts, I call upon Santideva as my best source for understanding and compassion. I took a bunch of comparative religion classes in college and really loved them.
    It’s great to be in touch again I am finding it amazing as I reconnect with friends from high school how many of my favorite friends have ended up thinking about things in a way very similar to the way I do. Must be that Lockportian gene pool kicking in!

  3. Abby said,

    Hello, I found this blog from an online person recommending it for NT’s married to Aspies.

    My husband was diagnosed with AS about 3 years ago. Well THAT explained a lot! We’ve been married for 19 years and have 3 sons too. I think I will like it here.

  4. Maureen said,

    Hi Abby –
    Welcome! I’m glad you found me. It sounds like we have a lot in common.
    My earlier posts – from March and April – were more specifically about Asperger’s. You would probably especially appreciate Aha! Moment, which is about the “diagnosis.”
    Stop in often and/or e-mail me.

  5. Eliza said,

    Hi Maureen! I saw your comment on Abby’s blog and followed it here. I’m also blogging in the hopes of connecting with others to understand and grow in my marriage to a man with Asperger’s.

    I look forward to following your blog!

  6. Leah said,

    Hi Maureen,
    Wow, you are a God-send. We’ve been married 19 years, have 3 teenagers and just three weeks ago figured out that my husband is an Aspie. Wow. What a difference knowing there is some sort of explanation. I can’t wait to read your posts. I too am Catholic and find it to be much of what keeps me sane. I teach at a Catholic school and support the family while my husband with 9 years of university and 4 degrees, has slowly deteriorated to staying in our bedroom. Hopefully now that we know what is going on we can figure out a better way to live. I’ve blamed myself for years but been so puzzled about why I am so successful in my teaching and seem to have no interpersonal problems there but come home and find myself to be such a failure in marriage. At least I have some ideas of where to start. Thanks for sharing your life – I am looking forward to reading more.

  7. Karen said,

    Hi. Finding this is a real blessing!
    But all I seem to get on my iPhone is a few comments. Will you send your blog address to me so I can read it? I guess I am just computer/ iPhone challenged!

  8. Karen said,

    Hi. Finding this is a real blessing!
    But all I seem to get on my iPhone is a few comments. Will you send your blog address to me so I can read it? I guess I am just computer/ iPhone challenged!

  9. Cathy said,

    Hello! im 25 and ive been married to an aspie for 4 yrs. we just found out about a month ago and it brings alot of light to our marriage! we have a daughter who is 1 and a half and my husband is in the Army.we live in Hawaii and im in school to be a vet assistant! ive been doing alot of research on aspergers and i came across ur blog…its nice to talk to someone that knows wut im going thru…i feel lost sometimes and its hard because im diagnosed bi-polar so im extremely emotional sometimes. and he just doesnt understand my emotions and i think that i confuse him and give him anxiety when i get that way! so i guess ijust want someone to talk to that understands and can give me pointers and things

  10. Bear perri said,

    I feel like I’m going nuts…
    I’ve been married for 18 months (together officially since 2009)
    I work in the SEN department of a secondary school. I started to notice a lot of similarities between hubby and the kids I work with.
    Hubby had previously been diagnosed with post traumatic bipola…. He would be very happy and then flip with anger them have a very depressed few days where he would sleep thru the guilt and emotions. Sometimes I would be so scared, not that he would hit me but the atmosphere would be so hostile and verbally threatening that I would take my daughter and sleep else where.
    When I became pregnant with our child I went to the doctors following an outburst, it was make or break as I said I needed it sorted before the baby came (she’s now 5.5 months)
    I had emailed hubby aload of research on aspie traits… His first reaction was “oh god this is me”. He told the doc that he thought he had Aspergers and was refered for assesment which confirmed this.
    Half the time we love each other the other half I want out. His lack of empathy and twisted views drain the hell out of me. As I write know we are in the middle of a silent patch following an argument on lying. I go quiet because there is no point trying to reason with him and he can’t see what he’s done wrong anyway (also going quiet is the only thing that bugs him as he can’t do the whole non verbal stuff, semi childish I know, but the argument would be far worse, believe me)
    I feel bitter… Why should I feel crazy and have to except being treated badly because he’s wired differently. If on this occasion I’m lied to why should I be expected to be ok with that. Last time it was the argument that he can’t call my ex hubby a swear word every time he comes to pick up my first daughter.
    I hate liars… And I hate that he doesn’t know he is supposed to feel sorry and not do it again.

  11. sami said,

    I recently married my wonderful husband who has been diagnosed with aspergers for most of his life. And I am very new to it. . . And trying to not only keep my eight month pregnant emotions in check hut learn and settle down in our new endeavour together. Its been a bit of a trial in some ways being married to, as you say, an aspie… but would not have it any other way. :-). Just am hoping to find a few answers and help here… hope that’s alright. P.s. my name is sami.

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