Why This Blog
I have been married to a man with Asperger’s Syndrome for twenty years. We found out only a year ago that AS was the explanation for many of his characteristics and many of the misunderstandings in our relationship. Having the “diagnosis” has changed everything, from how I view our relationship to management strategies in our household to new problems and exciting new discoveries.
I realized soon after the diagnosis that many NeuroTypical (NT) partners married to Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) partners face similar challenges. Being a writery type of person, I have found that writing about these challenges has been helpful to me. Also, my own spirituality is very much a part of HOW I look at day-to-day life and how I personally process the challenges I face.
I am hoping that my reflections on various aspects of an NT-AS marriage might be helpful to other couples. I am also hoping that by sharing my spiritual reflections I might bring to this particular type of relationship a divine view that allows for wonder and guidance from outside our own limited means.
KQ said,
April 16, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Hi Maureen: just was reading thru this on a “break” at work — thank you for sharing! I am pleased and humbled to have an insight into your adult life — so many interesting stories from these past 20+ years. I also appreciate you blogging as a way to tie things up/take them apart… I only do this to myself through journaling, as I have since 1983, but now it’s typing rather than the pen to paper…..I can also appreciate the spiritual aspect you’ve articulated, since struggle of any sort really benefits from an injection of that, from whatever perspective; buddhism is more my speed, as it turns out. I don’t know if I’ll see you this summer for the celebration of 25 yrs. from LSHS but I would like to make time to connect if I can make it up there. In the mean time, be well, and I will check back from time to time – really appreciating at the moment that FB has drawn us together again!
Kathleen
xo
Maureen said,
April 16, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Hey Kathleen! Thanks for leaving a comment. It’s fun to know who’s been here.
I have been a journaler for years myself. I decided to “go public” on this stuff because I know how relieved I was to find writing by other wives of Aspergians. I am hoping others NT spouses will find my musings helpful.
Stay tuned for more! I incorporate more than a little Buddhism into my own spiritual life. I am kind of Buddhist/Taoist/Catholic Leftist. In one of my upcoming posts, I call upon Santideva as my best source for understanding and compassion. I took a bunch of comparative religion classes in college and really loved them.
It’s great to be in touch again I am finding it amazing as I reconnect with friends from high school how many of my favorite friends have ended up thinking about things in a way very similar to the way I do. Must be that Lockportian gene pool kicking in!
Abby said,
July 16, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Hello, I found this blog from an online person recommending it for NT’s married to Aspies.
My husband was diagnosed with AS about 3 years ago. Well THAT explained a lot! We’ve been married for 19 years and have 3 sons too. I think I will like it here.
Maureen said,
July 16, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Hi Abby -
Welcome! I’m glad you found me. It sounds like we have a lot in common.
My earlier posts – from March and April – were more specifically about Asperger’s. You would probably especially appreciate Aha! Moment, which is about the “diagnosis.”
Stop in often and/or e-mail me.
Maureen
Eliza said,
July 17, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Hi Maureen! I saw your comment on Abby’s blog and followed it here. I’m also blogging in the hopes of connecting with others to understand and grow in my marriage to a man with Asperger’s.
I look forward to following your blog!
Leah said,
December 13, 2009 at 4:32 am
Hi Maureen,
Wow, you are a God-send. We’ve been married 19 years, have 3 teenagers and just three weeks ago figured out that my husband is an Aspie. Wow. What a difference knowing there is some sort of explanation. I can’t wait to read your posts. I too am Catholic and find it to be much of what keeps me sane. I teach at a Catholic school and support the family while my husband with 9 years of university and 4 degrees, has slowly deteriorated to staying in our bedroom. Hopefully now that we know what is going on we can figure out a better way to live. I’ve blamed myself for years but been so puzzled about why I am so successful in my teaching and seem to have no interpersonal problems there but come home and find myself to be such a failure in marriage. At least I have some ideas of where to start. Thanks for sharing your life – I am looking forward to reading more.
Leah